YOUR FINAL 2010 TEXTS AT 65178

I wear flip flops in the shower cause I don’t like the texture of porcelain.

Is fun sizes dad bald? Cuz if her mom is fluffy & his dad is bald with a prego gut, then they will be a perfect match later on in their relationship.

i really liked that pantie joke but it got me thinking…can you still call them panties if you wear a thong? or it that reserved for full-butted only

Have you seen what bird sh*t does to car paint?! Not good

my cat likes to eat toilet paper also, thats not so weird.

I hate going through the self checkout only to find four idiots who don’t know what they are doing taking forever trying to scan their items.

Roses are reddish, violets are bluish, if it weren’t for Christmas, we’d all be Jewish!

After 30 years together( we are only 47) my husband has learned that the holidays are much better if he helps.

My mom is wrapping my wifes gifts tonight for me.

Xmas eve 2000. I was having an affair with my wife’s sister. Wife called looking for me cuz I was late. Her sister had me give her oral while she was on the phone her.

DEMON TEXTS AT 65178

My demon thought…I often fantasize about how many 7yr olds I could take in a fight.

And after being on the Jamie White show, intern Seans kid was never the same…

I can’t stand it when relatives kiss you and leave wet slobber all over your face.

My aunt would come over and she hated the smell of garlic. So i would make myself stink of garlic so i did not have to hug her.

I’m buzzed on decongestants and you guys sound totally awesome!

My mom donated a cow in my name I asked her for the reciept and told her I am a charity and donate directly to me in the future

For my 18th b-​day my mom swears she got me a gift but the only thing i got was a USED bed from the neighbors…. Fail!

Dumbass Funsize, now every new years party u can’t go cause its ur anniversary.

Hey Andy I thought you said it was going to be sunny today! Lmao! jk

BREAK UP TEXTS AT 65178

I watched last night and i learned something about myself…hide the cucumbers

I got dumped once in high school by the parents telling telling me she got deported…

My ex picked me up from work and dropped me at my mom’s so she could break up with me

Hey Andy, how come you don’t add in bad jokes and socially awkward commentary with your traffic?

Omg I almost crashed into another car. Don’t know why that was funny but it was.

Andy must have Vick on his fantasy team

Just do what Andy says and Dominate The Donkey!

my all time favorite homeless guy sigh was…can you spare any change? lm saving money to buy bong hits for Jesus.

Don’t freak out Jamie, MacGruber will save you!

Should we allow butchers pets? They kill and chop animals up into pieces and feel no remorse.

TEXT JAIME WHITE MORNINGS AT 65178

So remember yestrday u guys were talkin bout the texts being made up.. And I mentioned I got voicemails.. But the guy claimed it wast him.. So now today I’m getting calls.. This is really bugging me and I don’t know what’s going on or who it is..

My mom forces her vegitarianisum on everyone. She invited us over for christmas dinner salad. Not going

My wife is a vegitarian and it drives me nuts! Sometimes I feel like it makes me hate her.

Great. The price of salvia just doubled because of that stupid chick

hate when girls wear uggs with everything!! Esp big girls wearing it with bubble tops and leggings.. Its not one boot match all.. Geez

Jamie. Buy new uggs. PLEASE.

I took a trip to Tiffanys because I love my wife and she puts out.

Jamie…im sitting in my sugar daddys bmw with the push start, and i cant get it running…how do i do this? Ah!

Btw: Andy’s weather forecast yesterday was almost as good as his traffic reports!

HACK OR TEXT AT 65178

Office hooks ups do happen. Every x-mas office party I’ve been too its happened. And yes I did twice.

Not if we need to eat! Fatties go first. Lol

You donkeys.

Walking around the block is free

Another “shocking” sex-tape. The only sex-tape that would be shocking these days is a secret sex-tape of Jamie and Bonaduce! THAT would drop listeners jaws!

Janice Dickenson is the poster girl for the word C**T.

Men dont have a word like that cause were not over emotional

You’re on the air. I love waking up to that wretched farting noise.

Thanks now I will have my students sing that song all day

Omg! I had a situation with a voicemail. guys claims he never sent it but it was voice of a girl moaning and it said it was from his phone

TEXT JAMIE OR JANICE AT 65178

I HATE that my wife wont go on rides with me… Not even disneyln rides… Like i dont even go on rides that go upside down!

Jamie…i couldn’t figure out why i was feeling good, then i realized my wife changed the radio to a christian station. Thanks for dirtying my mortal soul…

This is a little deep for the bitching session. This ladies got issues

OH MY GOSH THAT WAS FREAKING HILARIOUS!! Best. Interview. Ever!!

Wow that lady is a bitch.

omg this interview is kinda awkward just to listen to

If you love feet… Does that make u a Pedi-​philliac?

My husband is totally normal but he used to knit.

Celebrity moms don’t know what’s normal!

Send your awesome texts to 65178!

If you had Miley’s parents wouldn’t you be stoned too? C’mon Bret could be her step daddy

You just said mistawiener

Who keeps $1066 in their iTunes account???

If there’s no ring on the finger all’s fair in love and war.

I love you but women who think like you are what’s wrong with the world!!! Women like you are why men cheat!!!

Andy!! Stop being a square!!!

Jaime!!!!!!!!! Just think about Karma……

Jamie’s moral standards. Now there’s an oxymoron

Rule of thumb. If youre looking for assurance that what you did was ok, then its probably not.

Jamie is a “Gold Digger”? What a Shock!!!!!

IF YOU ARE ON THE NAUGHTY LIST TEXT US AT 65178

After listening to a commercial which Jamie says “i cant see my hoohaa” my 5yr old son had been obsessed with “figuring out this hoohog thing” =) he googled it

But I’m hot just curvy. They’d donate to me at free lipo

Red cross… Or boob job?? Hard choice, feed hungary children, or be superficial.

have a friend who resembles Snooki and it pisses her off when people call her Snooki. It’s fun to make her mad. Lol

At least it won’t be 2012. Snookie in the New Years ball would definitely be an omen of the end of the world…

OH MY GOD. this is so freakin’ adorable. Your kid callers are way better than your regular callers

I thought they found herpes meds in Paris Hiltons garbage?Adam (the garbageman)

l just said to my friend that as sad as this is for kate, l would much rather hang out with ridiculously crazy and super annoying sarah palin!!

Jamie, you would be kicked out of Australia!

I bet Andy will have a girl, and she will be SPOILED!

VERY RANDOM TEXTS AT 65178

Fun Size….”Thanks for maken the switch!”(Andys voice!!)

When I was little I used to collect used decorative band aids my prized one was jasmine and aliddan

Did she just say he had a large CLOCK? Lol

My dad did the big red ribbon on a white Lexus for my mom when we lived it was a white christmas so perfect so beautiful … true story … two weeks later my brother crashed it and the car was in the shop

News Flash: women blame men for everything. In related news the sky is blue.

No wonder we men die younger! We’re blamed for everything and aren’t allowed to cry which is scientifically proven to be one main reason women live longer.

I pooped my pants at school. Once in 7th grade and once freshman year. Noone ever found out.

TEXT AWAY AT 65178

Had implants 12yrs then had 2 b.feed kids and the ladies are perfect. They actually got just smoshie enough to look totally real. I can fool anyone!

I saw an article about a man making cheese out his wife’s breastmilk

Jaime says “I feel like” too much.

Geez! If I’d known you guys were gonna bash me all morning, maybe I wouldn’t have called in!! ~Stephanie

Andy… Congratz on having a baby… If it’s a Boy, name him Dean. If it’s a girl name her Sheila!

slump-​buster!!! Getting the fat girl at the club

Skinny girls cant hold their liquor!

Andy say “extreme wall paper hanging”

Wow was it just me or was that really perverted?

So basically you need to find an 18 year old jehovah witness with downs syndrome and you would be set. Lol!!! I get it!!!

Hell no! There’s unlimited “cyber” women! That’s not a real relationship..

One of my past students came back to school to show us her new baby, she is 15