UPDATE YOUR TEXT AT 65178

I work in olivehurst… good to know i might blow up!

Even better, parents are drunk upstairs and kids are doing it in the basement…omg

Shawn is on a parenting vacation at the river denile

I have pleasured a girlfriend in the back of her parent’s car and they thought we were both dead asleep

There’s a very easy way to tell if a teenager is lying…. Their mouth is open.

lets call th intern GRAMPY SHAWN

Umm, Andy said the horse guy is broken and last week he said that women who don’t want kids are broken…. Is he comparing me to the horse boner?! Not ok

The worst status was “…wondering how I’m going to fit all this thanksgiving into size zero jeans.”