TEXT THE MALOOFS AT 65178

Did you ever think that your friend isn’t calling back because you only have the intern call and never pick up the phone yourself?

The gun would weigh more than Dave.

If wuan wants to sell out to Jamie and eat taco bell then have Jamie eat some real Mexican food and make sure extra spicy

What if ALL the Charlie Sheen intern reject letters said “you are #51???”. I bet the intern will be a hot chick.

I didn’t know lady gaga fell off her piano..

Was drunken vodka I-​WORK-​W/-​KIDS chick for real??? That is so sad and even more SCAREY AS ALL HELL. U need to find where she ”manages” kids!!!

She must have tiger’s blood

Juan-​065 the Buzz…. Sorry listening to Intern Juan jokes from Tuesday

Ever notice that ding dongs taste the same as ho hos?

TEXT JAMIE AT 65178

U guys are stupid today

Just make it simple, call them kissing cousins!

My cuzin is getting married to my wifes cuzin.

Omfg one of my friends does that too. But she’s a chick and says it’s too hard to take her suit off. Shell just stand on the patio and pees herself

Brown trout

Note to self never get in the pool wit Jamie

Juan in a million stories…

Its the Wan-​der years…

Breaking News 9-​Jwan-​Jwan

I got so mad at my husband that i threw all of my shot classes on the floor. they were mine! Nothing of his. I broke mine!

The woman who died last year by getting trapped in her ex’s chimney (trying to break into his house) was a doctor! Smart people…

Going gay when drinking is called LT. Lesbian tendencies

Its liquid speed lol. And i listen to yor show regularly and think you (JAMIE) suffer from ADOS (ATTENTION DEFFICET OH SHINNY) Love you guys, dont change

TEXT THE BUTT LADY AT 65178

just noticed that Jamie laughs like Bart Simpson

U guys should do a drunk show!

Bring Kayden in so he can drop the f bomb!

Who ordered the poo poo plater?

Umm… pooper scooper lol

For some reason bill cosbys pudding commercia just poped into my head…pudding pops will now not be eaten! neither will tootsie pops

Finger licking good! Did she get original or crispy?

What youre seeing is the only way to smuggle peanuts into an airplane nowadays.

Smoking drops you at least 2 points

Jamie, you are so funny and your voice is so sexy…I dream of making you my future exwife.

That voice disguiser is more annoying than fun size’s laugh!

OMG JAMIE!!! that damn champer damper song was stuck in my head all day yesterday and I dont even like cats.

Jamie’s relatable? Ha! She’s in a league of her own!

TEXT JAMIE AND FRIENDS AT 65178

WOW!!!! l just looked up the “Jamie taking a break picture”…again WOW!! that poor unfortunate fence post.

Give it up jaime, if pretend boyfreind herd u on radio u dont stand a chance no matter what u look like.

Ah, I’m having a flashback moment to this song. Back when things were much much easier. Being an adult sucks!

Strach marks are just a map to love.

Maybe she did have a kids b4 but gave em up for an AC unit

We all know you eat hot dogs Jamie!

Is it that time of the month andy?

Mickey can die of thirst !!!

Jamie, could her wedding really be worse than funsize’s??

Jaime you can put anything in your mouth cake, ice cream, even penis in your mouth as long as you excersize. And guess what SEX even bad sex burns 600 calories

TEXT US SMILEY FACES AT 65178

Im a single mom, i taught him to wipe. He hates the drizzle anyway. He says mommy its wet!! his father hates that i taught him that

I told my son because us girls have to sit we have 2 wipe…just like when he goes #2 he wipes, since girls always sit, we always wipe. He seemed fine w that..

You guys are so hilarious! I missed my exit on the freeway i was so into your plane jokes!

Why is Jamie talking like Cartman this morning?

Guys should never ever ever shape their eyebrows!!!!!! Yuck…so not manly…eeeeeewe

Who are the complaining idiots anyhow? They should know by now that Sean is the one the posts, not Jamie. Tell them to stfu! -​ Scott in Roseville

Wait, Andy thinks you shouldn’t text lol but he’s perfectly fine getting a pedicure??? Hmmm ….

I’m a gay man and I wouldn’t know how to dress a little girl. She would look a mess. This is hilarious! -​Arvin

TEXT JW AT 65178

I like how you call the guy you’re with your temporary boyfriend. Maybe you should make it permanent, then you can cheat on him and have great Cheating Sex!

why does shovel head end all of his statements with “right there”? everything he says ends with “right there”. he likes a curvy toush right there…what the hell?!

The fact that he can’t get a chick wouldn’t have anything to do with the tattoo across his forehead… Right?

My parents used to tell me that two things were never for breakfast: ice cream or pizza. So I actively do both as an adult

Rest stops are super safe these days, more sex at rest stops than bad things

I had that stupid ‘friday’ song stuck in my head all Friday night.. thanks

love how you now call the guys in your life… Boys! Like they’re your boy-​toys or something.

Jamie now that you talk about it i totally think i can cut those lights out. It has to be possible! I gotta try it now

Not to make you feel worse but don’t they only flash when they take a step?

jamie sounds like you were tweaking

Jamie will you marry me?

Found out my brother wears diapers. Its his fetish..has girlfriends who knew about it and didnt mind. Strtd at a yung age too. Use to find use diapers

If Jamie were a furry, what would she be?

APRIL FOOLS TEXTS AT 65178

If you do breakfast like sean with no shirt then bacon cooking can be hazardous.

Jamie, your voice is so sexy please have my babies!

Did u know that Cayden was the name of the first openly gay amercian soldier.?

You all are hilarious today! hahahaha you make me laugh out loud..love brook the talker texter.

Can you please keep Sean talking about his life. The more he talks, the better I feel about my life!

Omg the morning show w/ “Lewis” was hysterical! You need 2 have him regularly, “A Day in the Life of Lewis.” I have one point though that I hope the pol

OMG. I just saw a license plate in Roseville that said “FSTPUMP”. Jersey Shore has ruined society! Adam ( the garbage man)

on facebook Starbucks is announcing baristas on scooters delivering coffee. They’re calling it Starbucks mobile pour …. I actually believed it for a minute!

I love your guys awesome, intelligent, hilarious, and seemingly flawless show…. APRIL FOOLS!

Best april 1 joke, wife sent a fake letter from TROJAN CONDOMS to my office telling me im to small to be the spoke person. Everybody in office was laughing

Wow, a woman finally got screwed over instead of a man…Rare

puke in my mouth everytime I see my ex! No way I could be friendly with him. He is an idiot!

The only people that pulled off being friends after a relationship were Jerry & Elaine on the show “Jerry Seinfeld”. This however was a fictional show

I had a chocolate shake yesterday and I think I tasted some radiation.